


This Too I Promise You (You Won't Forget)

by orange_8_hands



Series: Nails and Teeth [5]
Category: Supernatural
Genre: 5 Things, Alternate Universe - Gender Changes, Childhood, F/M, Gen, Hell, POV Female Character, POV Second Person, Pre-Canon, Rape, Rape Aftermath, Rape/Non-con References, Sexual Assault, Sexual Identity, Sexual Violence, Statutory Rape, Teenage Winchesters, Torture, Underage Sex Work, Weechesters, Wordcount: 500-1.000
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2012-04-04
Updated: 2012-04-04
Packaged: 2017-11-03 00:53:46
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, Rape/Non-Con
Chapters: 1
Words: 859
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/375263
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/orange_8_hands/pseuds/orange_8_hands
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>There are a lot of things you never say, or explain, or try to remember.</p>
            </blockquote>





	This Too I Promise You (You Won't Forget)

**Author's Note:**

> **Warning** : Rape (child, statutory, adult). Underage sex work. Sexual torture. Nothing is what I'd call graphic but this whole thing could be summarized as five rapes of Deanna Winchester so please be careful if you have triggers, and contact me if you want more details before reading anything.
> 
> **Note** : Some things mentioned below are mentioned in [Something Like Lust](http://archiveofourown.org/works/343337/chapters/556845) and [Lay Some Bricks Down](http://archiveofourown.org/works/347060/chapters/563896), but those are unnecessary prior reading (though I'd at least recommend [Part 1: Something Like Lust](http://archiveofourown.org/works/343337/chapters/556845) to get familiar with this girl!verse.)

i.  
You are seven and your upper teeth bite down on your bottom lip so hard it bleeds for days, but you are silent, you are silent with slight whimpers and _pound pound pound_ and your strong white teeth, baby teeth, bite down because if you make a noise your little sister will wake up and come see what you are doing, come see what game you are playing, and behind your eyelids the only place that can take you from here is to there, so your mother burns on the ceiling with flames licking out and you are oh so silent and it hurts and you can't walk right and you blink back tears and you hide it all when your daddy walks through the door and it becomes another thing, just another moment you can't think about laid out at yellow eye's feet even if it wasn't a demon at the time, and you never wake up from nightmares screaming because then they'd know and that's how you lose your virginity.   
  
ii.  
You are eight and being threatened, but the only advice you were given against words (where are the knives, the claws, where are the fists you are ready for physical violence but not this) means swallowing, and so you do, _don't let anybody find out because they'll take you and Sammy away_ , and it tastes like salt and bitter musk and every diner you stop at on your way from here to there you order salty fries and eat them all, every single strand of remembrance, you will not let it be taken, you will not let meals eaten at your sister's side, across from your Daddy and his sad sad eyes, you will not let anything be taken because the owner saw too much and you were never taught how to defend yourself against CPS like you were against the monsters under your bed, and your throat is raw for days but Sammy swings her legs against the vinyl seats across a thousand restaurants and you will be a whore, you will be whatever is needed to keep it so.   
  
iii.  
You are thirteen and the backseat is hard against your tailbone but you don't know how to ask for a new position, you are not the expert here, and you let Patrick roll off your underwear and untuck your bra, fill his hands with your skin in tight fistfuls, he moves his college sweater off but just unzips his jeans, and his finger jabbing into you is not the best feeling in the world but you almost, almost feel something when his thumb grazes you and you rock closer to that feeling, rock closer to what it could be, and maybe he is too fast but you feel something and you think you can chase that feeling for the rest of your days, can taste the oblivion that can follow if you just get it for long enough, and you think yes because so far no hasn't been an option.   
  
iv.  
You are fifteen but the fake ID puts you at twenty-one, eyes shaded and lips red and you let hands follow your curves, slick hands around your breasts on the pretext of dropping tips on your tray and you grin and laugh and run your own hand down your body, cock out hips and run your tongue against your lips, you star in jerk-off fantasies and collect empty glasses and run your fingers over pool sticks, over tables, over bottles and let them imagine your fingers against something else, against them, and you bite your lip and stare them right in the eye and sometimes take a chosen few into your backseat, but mostly you hitch yourself onto the bathroom sink or against the alley wall and hold the condom between two fingers, you pebble your own nipples in your hands and then you go home, one, two, three in the morning you go home and open books about algebra and world war one strategies and then put them aside and haul out your weapons and clean them all, every single one, because your Dad just called and you can leave your sister plenty of money while you go kill a werewolf, while you go learn how to be a hero.  
  
v.  
You are ageless and endless and one year two year ten years pass and your Daddy's face, Bobby's face, Caleb's, Pastor Jim's and your fourth grade teacher, the motel owner from when you were eight, Patrick turns into your Momma's face and you feel pokers shoved and shoved and shoved, they find all your holes and then create new ones, Sammy licks your skin and whispers will you take up my knife and you say no and bite into your bottom lip and scream and scream and scream and yes and then you make them scream and then you are topside and forty years go where the first thirty went, and even if there's no one there to see you yet you smile big and bright and tuck it all back into your mind, you never use that thing anyways.


End file.
